The Fear of The Unknown

My name Atinuke Adebobi, I was brought up in a God fearing home and I was a kind of a person you could define as a good Christian. I had always dreamt that one day I will be have my own kids, be itboys or girls.I got to meet my university sweetheart at the age of 25. It was magical, the wedding was graced by so many people and it was the talk of the town for months.

I had my first child, a boy the following year, and he was so gracious and adorable. Thereafter, 2 girls and yet another boy came along. I and my husband provided for them in the most possible way. We gave them life’s necessity but made sure they were not spoilt. They were all brought up in the ways of the Lord, we prayed together, went to church service where they learnt God’s word.

I least expected the devil to be in my home. Where did we go wrong? Was it that we provided little or too much for them? For so many years I thought I had failed as a mother, I was broken, and each time these thoughts came, I felt depressed.It was Dele my first son that turned out bad and became the devil. What went wrong? I raised Dele to be good, I provided him the necessary things to take him far in life, oh Dele!

It all began 2006 when he gained admission into the university. I was glad as my dream were coming to reality. Dele was going to be a medical doctor. Oh, how happy I was on his matric day.I got Dele his first laptop as he requested to help him with his studies. I made sure he was happy and all his school needs were met and this was done to ensure he never lacked anything. On one occasion I visited Dele in school, he gave me a shocker by giving me cold shoulder and to make matters worse, he sent me back home. I do not understand why he acted that was, he looked a totally different person and from that day I never stopped praying for him and the other kids. I knew the devil was closer than I thought.

After just 2 semesters, Dele came home and said he was done with school and was never going back. He did not even give any concrete reason, all he said was he is done with this shit! That was when it dawned on me that I was gradually losing my son. I and my husband spoke to him and prayed for him at all times, but he was a changed person. He will always fond of saying weird things or making outrageous demands.On several occasions he would call on the phone and say whenever he leaves the house nobody should look for him, or some people are asking him to bring huge sums of money!

One day, I called him, pleaded with him to open up and talk to me that am his mother that gave birth to him. He did not even say a single word to me. I kept the faith and hoped that everything will return to normalcy. On one fateful day I was preparing for work when my phone rang. It was the police inviting me to come and identify a body. On hearing this, my heart skipped a bit and my head was spinning. I checked Dele's room, he was not there, my heart was racing. I called my husband to meet me at the hotel where the body was. My husband got there before me and he was trying to hold me back from going into the room as he had identified the body as Dele's. I screamed, was devastated and I blamed God. Dele my good son had died from overdose of cocaine.

I kept on asking myself; what didn’t I do right? I blamed myself for not fervently praying for my son. I fell in and out of depression. Then one day I asked my mom if I was like Dele while growing up? She looked into my eyes and said, God sometimes gives us trials of all sorts. Your job, school, health, children even your marriage  could be your trial, look how your  other children turned out right.

As mothers do we get scared of what our kids may turn out to be? If you were Adebobi what would you have done right? Please share your comments...