Sexual Preference

He had some thoughts, but did not know what he was feeling and was too shy to tell anyone. Perhaps he was scared of what his mom and his father’s congregation will say,his dad was a pastor.As far as he is concerned, he was not feeling like a boy on the inside. The feelings and thoughts kept coming, he needed to tell someone who would understand but definitely not his father, a pastor.

It all began one faithful day when my father’s friend, a pastor in another town, whom I looked up to as a father came visiting us for 3 days. He would always buy me gifts when coming. He always gave me special attention and on one of such visits, he sneaked into my room and raped me. I was scared and disappointed at the same time. Someone I saw as a father figure had taken advantage of my innocence and defiled me. My mom noticed I was moody and withdrawn all through his stay, and when she asked me what was wrong, I feigned ignorance and told her I was fine. I had severe fever due to the pain I experienced and had to take pain killer tablets which miraculously made me feel better .At that point in time I was naïve and ignorant and did not understand how I felt. I was confused and before you know, it became a routine and I found myself loving what my father’s friend did to me. He showered me with so much money and gifts and I could not bring myself to tell anyone.

When I entered the university I met so many guys who were just like me. They were shy to talk about their sexual preference and lived in self-denial. In school meet Alex. He was tall, handsome and every guy’s dream man. We started dating and by the time we graduated he proposed and I accepted. Soon words got to my mom about my actions, and as expected she was devastated. She told me I needed serious prayers, and even asked me to return home so we could sit and talk, and schedule prayer sessions. Apparently my dad was already in the know of my abominable acts and trust me it was not going to be easy for me.

I went home that same day and my mom was alone reading her prayer books. We spoke at length and I told her all that had happened to me while I was growing up and how it changed my life and preference and for the first time in my life I let out my burden to someone. Just then my father walked in and I could see the rage in his eyes as he approached me.
I told him how his much revered friend raped me and continued molesting me and how I got used to it. I also informed him that I met Alex I wanted to marry him because we both in love each other. My dad was devastated and said to me that uncle Dede (his friend) died in the most painful and shocking way as he deserved what happened to him but it is his responsibility to cure me of my madness.

 Rabana, my son and his father got into a very heated argument when I stood up to get my bible so we could pray. I was still searching for my bible when I heard the 3 loud gun shots. I was stunned and could not carry my legs. When I eventually did, I got to the sitting room and saw Rabana lying in a pool of his blood. The father had shot Rabana in close range 3 times and he was motionless and dead. The police came in and arrested my husband and he was charged and sentenced to life imprisonment for murder.

I grieved the loss of both men in my life and finally got to meet Alex on the day of Rabana’s burial. He was a clean guy and I pondered on whatever happened and made him this way. I invited him over after the burial mass and we got talking. The first question I asked him was “why are you doing this to yourself? With tears in his eyes, he answered "mom I was born this way”.

At that point it got me thinking, what determines the sexual preference of a child? At what age can someone determine his/her sexual preference? can we say the western culture is gradually getting rid of the union God created, or could we assume most of them had been molested and going through psychological trauma or could have they been born that way! In my opinion, they could be possessed by evil spirt.

If this is what the white man call civilization, I rather be in the Stone Age where men were men and women were women. I read about an article people were being brain charged to remove that spirt as it was a mental state, but it is rather becoming the people’s way of life. I grieve the loss of both men in her life,